Batshua's Journal [<<] [Jewish Blogs] [Webring Home] [>>] Below are the 50 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Batshua" journal:

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April 11th, 2014
05:42 pm

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How I went through BDL's TSA line presenting as vaguely genderfuck and didn't get arrested.
Over the past few months, I've been thinking more about presenting as genderfuck in my non-work time; namely, I've been thinking about packing.

For anyone who doesn't know me, let me make this clear. I am terrible at true genderfuck. Nobody is going to mistake me for a 14 year old boy or an androgyne. I am, shall we say, rather well-endowed and I do not bind.

I'd been thinking for a while about what would happen if I got a patdown while packing, and whether or not it would flag me as a security risk or cause me to miss my flight. I don't currently own a packer, so I've been packing with a wool sock which makes me feel rather … like I'm overcompensating, although my close friends swear it's more subtle than I think.

As my combination Passover and Spring Break trip to visit my folks neared, I considered the possibility that I might want to pack on my travel day because darnit, it's my right to present as whatever gender I want. However, as a person who always chooses to opt-out for patdown, I knew this could cause problems.

So I checked the TSA website. The transgender section only addresses binary identified people, and, of course, folks have had mixed results with their experiences traveling while trans*.

I used their feedback form and asked a number of specific questions about what would happen if a nonbinary identified person traveled presenting as their preferred gender. I got an autoresponse immediately, ["thank you for your submission"] and a "real" reply within 24 hours. I am sad to report that the "real" reply might as well have been generated by a robot. It was literally a copypaste of the TSA's Transgender Travelers page. It wasn't even signed.

My next stop was to call the TSA Cares hotline. I remembered immediately why people HATE calling this number. The first thing they do is ask for your full name. Now, granted, I'm hardly a threat to anything other than gender hegemony, and it gave me pause to give my name so forthrightly, because I suspect somewhere there's a file on me under my legal name and a record of all the weirdass questions I've asked the TSA.

The woman who handled my call was very polite and friendly, but she had NO IDEA how to answer my question. She told me she'd worked this phone line for two years and had never been asked this question before. She asked her manager. Her manager didn't know. However, this wonderful woman, instead of giving up, offered me a helpful alternative. She asked me which airports I was planning to fly out of and got me the contact information for the TSA head honchos at each airport.

I believe it was a Tuesday when I started the journey of reaching out to the Bradley Airport TSA guy, who is super nice and friendly and helpful. We played phone tag a bit due to his schedule, my schedule, and the crappy reception I have in the town where I serve.

Ultimately, I explained to him my situation: I am legally female, as masculine as I can dress, nobody would mistake me for anything other than a butch chick, but I prefer to pack as a way of expressing my gender. I chose to use the word "androgynous" rather than "genderfuck", because I feel like "genderfuck" is an excessively provocative word to use with uninitiated cisgender folks who might be your allies. I let him know that I would, as I always have, prefer to opt-out and get a patdown and I realized that getting a patdown while packing might cause undue alarm and I wanted to know how best this could be handled so that nobody freaked out and I didn't miss my flight.

He told me nobody had ever asked him about this situation before, and he provided a few options, including: having a female do the patdown, having a male do the patdown, or having my patdown split between a female officer and a male officer.  I said I was used to having a female do the patdown and was fine with that, but it was exciting to have options offered to me!

I was surprised to find out that even though my flight was on Friday, not even a whole week away, he had plenty of lead time to arrange things for me.  I was assigned a TSA Passenger Support Specialist and we set an appointment for a time for me to meet her at the security checkpoint. He also gave me the work cell number of the Transportation Security Manager for Bradley in case I showed up extra early or ran late. This was super helpful as I discovered this morning that I'd misplanned my schedule and needed to move everything up an hour. Then, of course, it rained the whole way down and I was somewhere between 5 and 10 minutes late.

After I checked in with my airline and dropped my bag off at X-Ray, I was met by my TSA Passenger Support Specialist, who took me right through to the head of the Pre✔︎ line. I joked that I should have gender issues more often. :)

The head of the Bradley TSA had warned me that since people perceived as women don't generally have bulges in their pants, I would need to disclose my "anomaly" and it might warrant further screening. Because I was identifying as nonbinary, the transgender policy doesn't currently cover me.

Before commencing the patdown, I had literally announced "There is an anomaly in my pants".  I found out that technically my sock does count as a prosthetic, but since I'm not identifying as a trans man, again, they have to check my "anomaly".

It was suggested that since I'd have to remove "the anomaly" to scan it for residue, I should have a private patdown. Basically, you're not allowed to reach into your pants and pull stuff out in a public place because children are going through security, too.

So I went to get a private patdown with my TSA Passenger Support Specialist and another female TSA agent.  The procedure is the same as a regular opt-out patdown, but because there was an anomaly in my pants, I had to have a second patdown, known as a resolution patdown. They swabbed my TSA Passenger Support Specialist's gloves for residue, and they had to x-ray my sock. Then the other officer did the resolution patdown where they patted vertically and horizontally over the front of my groin to ensure I wasn't hiding anything else in there. They were totally respectful and non-creepy about the whole thing. I felt pretty fucking empowered.

After I was done, the Transportation Security Manager gave me an official TSA comment/complaint card as well as his business card. He reminded me that if I preferred, I could always check my packer and put it in after I pass through the security checkpoint. I agreed and pointed out that for some people, the wait in the security checkpoint line without packing would be extremely emotionally uncomfortable for them, and so I figured it was worth trying it out to see what it was like for all the people who might want to do this but are afraid to ask.

The man in charge of Bradley's TSA department has put me in touch with the man who is in charge of the TSA's diversity department so that we can talk about what kind of policy changes might benefit nonbinary travelers. I don't know how much weight my words will have, but if anyone has suggestions/requests, I will forward those along.

One thing I am suggesting to him is a clearer combined policy on prosthetics. Officially, there are THREE pages that address prosthetics. One handles "prosthetics" -- things like arms and legs. One handles "breast cancer survivors", and one handles "transgender travelers". If you read the prosthetics page, it says that your prosthetic may be handled and removed and checked by the TSA folks. If you read the breast cancer survivor page, it says if you're wearing a prosthetic, they can't ask to look at it or for you to remove it, but if it's packed in your carryon, they might need to look at it, but it's excluded from the 3-1-1 rule. If you read the transgender traveler page, it reads very much like the breast cancer survivor page. I think it makes a lot more sense to have all three pages refer to ONE page that clearly addresses different kinds of prosthetics so that it doesn't look like there's conflicting information about what you may or may not be wearing.

Current Location: Bradley Airport
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
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November 4th, 2012
12:20 am

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Rice Cooker Pasta
For future reference…

2 scoops of pasta
3 scoops water
12 T pasta sauce
2 tsp garlic with olive oil

25 minutes

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(Leave a comment)

September 18th, 2012
09:09 pm

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Dear Everyone,
Did I do something horrible to offend you and/or otherwise hurt your feelings in the past year? If so, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. If I did and I don't know about it (I probably don't if you haven't told me!), please feel free to drop me an email (you can also leave a comment here -- they're screened) so you can get an apology that is appropriately sincere and heartfelt and I can work on being a better person for next year.
Love,
Me

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July 23rd, 2012
10:50 pm

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Pinterest
I am now on Pinterest. Who else is on there, and how do I find you?

Current Mood: curiouscurious

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July 2nd, 2012
03:53 am

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Well, damn.
Dear ConCertino 2012 filkers,

I'm getting to the point in the night where I'm wanting to have deep, analytical thoughts about how awesome ConCertino was, but all I can think of is stuff like "There were hugs. Hugs are good."

It may actually be time to go to sleep now, which I guess means I need to accept that the con is really over. :-/

Thank you all for your part in making this a wonderful experience for me.

(Seriously, I will stop posting now. I think maybe this is sort of backlash from the sudden attack of SOCIAL and now being alone in my bedroom again.)

Current Mood: gratefulgrateful

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03:47 am

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Derp.
Hello, new LJ friends!

Uhm.

Although it looks like I post a lot if you look at my recent posts, if you scroll further back, you'll see that in the past few years I've been posting rather infrequently.

Also, I sort of fail at reading other peoples' journals.

I am trying to fix both these things (although the latter is actually easier to fix than the former, I think), but I kind of have like, you know, Real Life to deal with firster.

At some point I will attempt to make a new list of feeds for my feed reader so I can at least SKIM my friends list again. I figure I owe you that much, especially since I do care what goes on in y'all's lives.

Unfortunately, there is no ETA on when this will happen, although it is annoying me enough that I might actually try to start fixing it this week if other Real Life stuff doesn't interfere.

(Leave a comment)

02:16 am

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I am godawful tired, but I don't want to sleep. sauvin asked me why, and I dunno. It's not logical. Maybe because if I sleep, I'll have to wake up in my bed, and the con will really be over?

Seriously, I never want this con to end.
… Even though I'm home already and I know intellectually it's already over, apparently it's not "really" over for me until I wake up the next day.

On the days when I believe in an afterlife, I think that my heaven would be a never-ending filk con. We would have epic kosher and allergen-free catering of awesome so that we would never have to leave the hotel; we'd just retire to an epic dining room where we'd have wonderful conversation over sumptuous meals. And there'd be many filk circles, big and small. And I wouldn't manage to feel both undersocialized and oversocialized at the same time.  And I'd be able to be at everything all at once.  Sleep would be optional, or something you could do while being at a circle, like the way dolphins sleep half their brain at a time.

Yeah, something like that.

It was such a good con, it should've been created on a Tuesday, and while I know it could never have gone on forever, my heart aches to know that I have to return to my mundane life now.

Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful

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July 1st, 2012
11:24 pm

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Truffles Redux

Dear Everyone at ConCertino,

So. It appears that you ate my truffles. What flavors did you like? What would you like to see again? What else would you like to see? Was anything too strong or too weak for your liking?

I'm thinking of bringing a small batch of 1 flavor to the next Garden Circle of Songs. If you go to Garden Circle of Songs, please feel free to vote on the flavor.

Mad with power,
Batshua

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June 24th, 2012
06:27 pm

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This, I cannot abide.

So, I went all the way into "town" [Central Square, Cambridge] to buy kosher, fair trade chocolate.

It is vegan.

IT IS NOT PAREVE.

Well, fuck that!

So later I'm going to hit the regular supermarket and pray the have pareve chocolate, fair trade or not.

If not, tomorrow I have to make a special trip to the Butcherie, since they're already closed today.

ARGH! How can it be vegan and dairy? If it has trace dairy, doesn't that make it not vegan?!

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June 22nd, 2012
04:39 pm

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God help me, my path is unclear.
I've been reading some of hatam_soferet's writings and I realize that actually, given the way egalitarianism is going, I don't think I belong there anymore.  It never really felt like home in a lot of ways. My parents' congregation dropped me in the deep end, and I'm not fully comfortable there.

But I clearly don't belong in orthodoxy, either. Or at least, I can pass, I can fit in, but my ideas are going to confound people.

Especially the paganism.

And the polyamory.

And, well, actually, the asexuality.

God help me, WHERE DO I BELONG?!

I'm not sure where my soul sits anymore.

In other news, lately I've been feeling moved to make those sacred truffles, and if Hashem wills it, I think I'm making vegan, fair trade, kosher truffles this coming week and taking them to ConCertino.

I'm a little terrified. I've never made truffles before, and I fear I'll burn the chocolate or something else will go horribly wrong.

I also honestly don't know what to bless them with. I think I may go for generic +5 chocolate and something like "awaken those who need awakening, and grant rest to those who need rest", since we'll be at a con, and people will be in various states they may not wish to be in.

Does anyone local want to hold my hand while I do this? I'm so nervous about it, and I think that's why I put it off all year.

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June 17th, 2012
11:47 pm

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This is what happens when I lie awake at night.
So, you know the little hamster that goes "I haz a karot"?

What if he was cut off from his people?

I'm not sure how you illustrate "I haz a karet", but if anyone wants to do this, I will hug you so much.

Current Mood: amusedamused

(Leave a comment)

May 30th, 2012
08:35 pm

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Hey, Jews!
I'm leading a Friday night service at the end of the month. I need some awesome melodies for the psalms of Kabbalat Shabbat. A lot of people have been doing a particular melody I'm not a huge fan of, and now that's all I have in my head! Help?

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May 23rd, 2012
03:36 pm

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Apropos of nothing...

I miss my Texas driver's license. It was a happy, sunshiny yellow that brightened my day. The MA driver's license is a boring white. :-/

... I know, it's dumb.

I think it's an interesting commentary on the state of my life that I think about things like that. 

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May 22nd, 2012
03:47 am

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Sigh.

I have a sudden, intense craving for Grapette.

Sadly, in the US you can only get it at Walmart.

Am I near a Walmart? Heck, no! I'm not anywhere near a Walmart. The nearest Walmart is almost 12 miles away. In QUINCY.

For the first time in a long time I miss living at my parents' house.

If I were there, I could get in a car RIGHT NOW, and drive to the Walmart, regardless of the fact that it's almost 4 AM, and I'd be able to come home with a big ol' pack of Grapette which I could pour over a glass full of ice and enjoy RIGHT NOW.

Instead, I'm gonna grab some more cold water, and probably buy a single bottle of some inferior grape soda during my errands tomorrow.

Meh.

(Seriously, if someone with a car wants to make a Grapette run with me at some point, I WOULD NOT SAY NO.)

Current Mood: thirstythirsty

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February 28th, 2012
12:32 am

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Lunacon?
Anyone going to Lunacon?

I'm not sure if I'm going or not, because I don't know if anyone else is…

Obviously I need a ride and a room to split or I can't pull it off.

Let me know.

Current Mood: curiouscurious

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January 7th, 2012
05:44 pm

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Geek Fail.
Guess who thought Arisia was in February and thus didn't register early?

Oh wait, that'd be me.

Guess I should go do that now.

Anyone know where and when Shabbat services are being held?

Who else is going?

Current Mood: annoyedannoyed

(Leave a comment)

November 22nd, 2011
05:28 pm

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Dear everyone I know in the Boston area,
I miss you.

I miss having a social life.

Maybe we could hang out after Thanksgiving?

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September 28th, 2011
05:04 pm

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Hey, it's the new year!
Right, so now is the time where I ask for forgiveness and stuff.

If you have a beef with me, go ahead and talk it out; comments are screened.

I'm off to shul.

Have a sweet and healthy new year!

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful

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September 26th, 2011
01:26 am

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Time to call in the big guns.
Yup, I'm depressed.

Anyone local stand to spend time with me anyway?

I know from experience drugs aren't going to help this, and therapy is going to take a long time for the therapist to discover that yeah, I have good reason to be depressed, but nothing is really worse than usual.  I figure I need to get out and see friends.  I'm not up to going to deal with strangers at meetups just to socialize right now.  I doubt it'd even have the right effect anyway.

Someone please save me from myself.

Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
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September 20th, 2011
11:46 pm

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*groan*
Moving is stressful, and I fear it will NEVER end.

I await boxes and boxes of stuff (mostly books) from my parents.

I need to buy a dresser and a desk, so I can put things away and stop living out of plastic bags.

My car isn't here yet, which is an additional kind of stressful.  Once it gets here, I'll have to figure out what's required to make it legal in this state.  And probably get my driver's license changed over.  Yay.  Not.

Tomorrow I walk back to Allston to look at the furniture stores again.  I have my eye on a desk at a used furniture place, but first I should find out about the delivery stuff.

GAH!

Current Mood: stressedstressed

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August 28th, 2011
06:43 pm

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Housing Drama…
So…

I can't remember who knows this, but I'm staying in someone else's room.  He was supposed to move in Sept 1, and so I would have been out in time.

But instead, he's arriving tomorrow night.

And the people living in the apartment I'm moving into?

Well, they said we could move in early, but now it looks like they are moving out late.

So, uhm, I might need a place to sleep from Tuesday night until Thursday or so.

And I'm going to need frantic moving assistance.

Help?

Current Mood: distresseddistressed

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August 20th, 2011
10:19 pm

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Moving?
So I don't have a lot of Stuff, but I do have an IKEA sofa bed and a couple of lamps, and bags of Stuff like clothes and books.


I am trying to figure out if anyone is available to bribe Sept 1 to help me move, or if I should just hire movers.


Anyone up for the task?



I'm gonna post to the Boston FUN list, too.  Because I am insane, and slightly desperate.

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful

(Leave a comment)

August 11th, 2011
09:13 pm

[Link]

Jobby news and moving angst
 I called Mr. Burlington Apple Store to find out what my options were. The Burlington job is part-time! He'd not mentioned that before. :-/

The cost of living nearish to Burlington would probably be beyond my reach even with a full-time job -- housing is just not feasible.  At least I'm no longer second-guessing my decision to move to Brookline?

I have decided, given this information, that I will continue to poke the nearer Apple Stores.

I applied today to the Chestnut Hill location, and once I've moved, I'll update my resume with my new address and resubmit.

Once I get my car, I will try out the reverse commute during peak times to get a sense of what it's like. Mr. Burlington Apple Store says that in snow, the commute can easily double, so I'll take that into account. Unless I missed something, the drive should be not much more than an hour in bad weather, given that everyone else is headed Bostonwards.

If I can get the part-time job, and can do the drive in half an hour under normal weather conditions, I suppose I'll take it.

A part-time job is better than no job, it's still good work experience, and could make me more hirable at other Apple Stores.

I'd have to get something else to help pay the bills, but I imagine that's fairly normal right now, which sucks, but hell, at least that means other people will understand when I say I already have a part-time job whose schedule I need to accomodate.

Now that I am pretty sure I know where I'm living, I need to figure out how I'm moving my furniture and stuff to my new room.  Because I assembled the futon, it's now large and heavy and a somewhat unwieldy shape.  I really don't want to have to disassemble and reassemble it again unless I literally have no choice.

How do folks get their stuff moved around here?  I was thinking I might hire a couple of broke college students because I'm not sure I can justify asking friends to risk their back with just a little pizza or whatever the currency is for helping friends move.

Thoughts?

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August 10th, 2011
06:09 pm

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I CAN HAZ HOUSING!
I interviewed with the other half of Roommate Duo and she liked me, so they're offering me the third room. My rent and utilities are gonna be a bit more than $750, I think, but I also get a parking space(!), and a fairly big room, and laundry. God, it's like some kind of miracle. I don't think we have a dishwasher, but I suppose I could get a counter one when I have positive cash-flow.

I am trying to figure out if I should tell the Burlington Apple Store that I'm willing to do the hour and a half commute, provided that I get moved to a closer location as soon as reasonably possible. Thoughts on how to negotiate this would be super helpful.



The big thing now is I'm going to be imprisoned in Brookline.

Current Music: Jonathan Coulton - Brookline
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August 1st, 2011
10:44 am

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Rabbit rabbit.

Any help finding housing or kosher roommates would be awesome, because with nothing definite yet, I am starting to freak out a bit. I guess I should formulate a backup plan in case none of the potential situations I'm looking at work out. Of course, I want to stay near where I am now, but without roommates, I doubt it's affordable.

My computer is in the shop for the next 3-5 days, which is highly unawesome. It is also crippling my ability to search Craigslist. I assume there are other venues through which one might look for housing. Advices welcome.

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July 14th, 2011
12:37 pm

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Your horrible pun for the day…
Henceforth, making out with someone you used to date shall be called "having ex".

*ducks*

Okay, please!  Stop throwing frogs at me!
 

Current Mood: sillysilly

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June 26th, 2011
09:56 pm

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If you don't have a home, you can buy one there!
I just spent a startlingly large amount of money at IKEA.

On the other hand, they were pretty much all things that I needed, and the prices were fairly reasonable for most of the stuff.  The vast majority of it is useful long-term to one extent or another.  Even the short-term stuff isn't bad long term, it's just not as good as what I'd be getting when I really have a nice apartment.

I have a place to put my stuff!  That place is not Ben and Sarah's living room!  It is a room in a sustainable community house and I can stay there through September first, possibly longer, but if so, not in the room I'm staying in now.  I pay on a week-by-week basis, which allows me a lot more flexibility than a normal lease, should I find a permanent job that feels stable, or should I end up with a lot of regular temping work.

So, I move out tomorrow.

My futon frame arrives Thursday morning, but before then I can sleep with the futon on the floor.  

I still need to go shopping for things like toiletries and a shower caddy, and like, FOOD, but I have the basics.  It's like college all over again, only this time, I'm only there through September, and oh, uh, I HAVE TO FIND A JOB.  It's not like I haven't already poked six agencies, though, and I should hear back from folk soon.  If I don't hear from them by noon tomorrow, I will be calling them again.

Tuesday I go check out all the banks in the area and come back with many many pamphlets.

Holy shit, I'm becoming a grownup!

Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
Current Music: Jonathan Coulton - IKEA
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June 6th, 2011
07:04 am

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My Spirituality Is Weird, Part 347
I woke up this morning, and I had a strong urge to sing "Still Alive", so I did.

Then I sang Modah Ani.

And then I realized I was being redundant.

>.<

Uhm, hi.

Current Mood: amusedamused
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June 2nd, 2011
09:58 am

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Philly!
I'm in Philly until Sunday night, mostly being eaten by Swat's alumni weekend.  Jillian and Lydia have been kind and gracious enough to put me up on their couch until then.  As luck would have it, I missed Noda by about 12 hours; he's out in Vegas again.  If you're in the area and not going to alumni weekend for some reason but want to hang out, drop me a line and I'll see what I can do.

Today's plan is a pilgrimage to Bryn Mawr.  I can only hope that Athena hears my prayers and blesses me with help on my job search.  Probably I should write her a note on my resume.  In fact, I think that is what I will do.

Yes, I am going to make an offering to Athena.  I figure I can use all the help I can get.

In other news, there are people!  They are corporeal and go squish when I poke them!

This is very exciting.

Current Mood: jubilantjubilant
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(Leave a comment)

May 14th, 2011
11:29 pm

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I think I'm coming back.
Okay, so here’s the deal, guys.

I’ve been off-LJ for a good long time. Think the better part of a YEAR. Possibly much longer.

It’s not that I don’t love LJ, but it can get overwhelming and spoonsucking to keep up with the obligations I’ve given myself.

So.

If something major has happened to you in the past whatever, and I haven’t been on your journal to comment on it, assume I don’t know unless we have actually talked about it.

What are the big things going on in y’all’s lives?

For my part, I’m paring down how many communities I watch without leaving any of them, so I can check them whenever I want, and I’m cleaning up my friends-I-actually-read list as well.

LJ isn’t the only place I do my reading, it’s just the biggest chunk of it.

I feel like over the past few days, I’ve come out of a major depression. I feel physically lighter, like a huge burden has come off my shoulders. I’m probably still a little bit depressed, but I’m happier (without any happy-making stimulus) than I have been in a very long time.

I’m going to see if I can try to make LJ work for me instead of making me work for LJ.
 

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful

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May 13th, 2011
12:31 pm

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I learnèd something new today!
In the exciting world that is my life, I learned something new today.

I *finally* learned how to co-cook onions and bell peppers to the liking of people OTHER THAN ME.

I don't care if the bell peppers are kinda crunchy, but most of the people who eat my food don't eat them that way. They prefer them wilted, and the onions translucent. I almost never wilt my bell peppers enough, and I don't mind if my onion is a little sharp.

My mother's solution is to cook the bell peppers first, but since I can't visually determine the difference between crunchy bell peppers and soft bell peppers, this means I have to test them constantly. And it can be hard to tell when it's time to add the onions. This means I don't know when is the right time to add the onions so that I don't end up burning the bell peppers. My solution is to co-cook them. Even if it's not perfect, it's good enough. Cooking is just as much about art as it is a science. I think this is why I like baking better. Chemistry, while not something I understand at an advanced level, is a major component in baking. This means as long as the recipe is engineered properly, if you follow the directions, it is hard to screw up. Cooking is much more complicated to me.

This is what happened at breakfast when I was sautéing veggies to scramble with eggs:

Me: "How much longer should I cook them?"
Mom: "Mhm."
Me: "Mom! This is not a yes or no question. It is not "should I cook them longer". I *know* I should cook them longer. I am asking you *how much longer* I should cook them."
Mom: "Did you add salt?"
Me: "No?!"
Mom: "Okay, if you add salt, they'll cook faster."
Me: "Okay, then I will add some salt. *How much longer should I cook them?* Two minutes? Ten minutes? It's on medium because I don't want to burn them."
Mom: "One or two minutes."

Okay, so not exactly the most concise way to get my answer, but I now know that adding salt helps. I also added water and covered them with a lid at her previous suggestion to help steam / boil them instead of adding more and more oil, which is what usually has to happen when I try to make them cook slowly.

Current Mood: pleasedpleased
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May 5th, 2011
06:25 pm

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The mysteries of Artemis
In which I talk about girly things again…Collapse )

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April 27th, 2011
03:10 pm

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Hey Everyone…
I know I haven't been replying to comments, but I wanted to say thanks for being there for me. It really helps to have the emotional support on my bad days. The hope is that I'm moving towards more good days again soon. If I can get my act together, the Boston trip is coming up.

Current Mood: gratefulgrateful and hopeful
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April 14th, 2011
04:33 am

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Dear Universe,
I would like to call do-over on the last decade of my life, please.

Can we return to that save point and start this level over?

KTHXBAI

Current Mood: draineddrained
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03:20 am

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Dear Universe,
Seriously, pick on someone your own size. I'm tired of you dumping your shit on me.

I wanna take my marbles and go home.

No love,
Me

Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
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(Leave a comment)

03:16 am

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Dear Body,
Oh, so we're getting side to side action now instead?

Your sarcastic sense of humor does not amuse me.

Even less love if that's even possible,
Me

Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
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(Leave a comment)

03:14 am

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Dear Body,
Seriously, would it be too much to ask to not have my head snap back violently every so often for just a COUPLE of days?

I need a break and my neck hurts.

No love,
Me

Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
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(Leave a comment)

March 18th, 2011
02:27 pm

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So lately it seems all I post about is now I need help…
Anyway.  So a particular friend of mine is very, very, angry.  Think HULK SMASH kind of angry.  And rightly so, because it is due to grave upfuckery after upfuckery.

However.  It can't be undone, and the people who did it can't be confronted because there's too much time and distance involved.

So I need advice on diffusing extremely intense anger.

Thoughts?

Current Mood: curiouscurious

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February 14th, 2011
09:33 pm

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Okay, guys, I need your help, and NOW.
I do not have a MetaFilter account.  I do need to crowdsource advice for a friend and FAST.  Would anyone be so kind as to post for me?

… Or offer advices, if you are full of brilliance… I need yon troubleshooting folks to come to my aid.

Here's the basic situation:

A friend of mine is in a lot of physical pain and I am at my wits' end to help. We've done due diligence and seen the doctors; they've thrown copious meds at her, and at this stage, we're basically waiting for an opening with a specialist.

In the meantime, she's in agony and with nothing to distract her.

On top of everything else, she can't use her dominant left hand right now.

The only thing I can think of to pass the time is reading online, but she's at a 9.4 out of 10 on the pain scale right now, and tells me she's basically up to reading "torrid romance, Dr. Seuss, possibly a trashy western".

Normally she writes, knits, paints, sews, and cooks, none of which she can reasonably do right now in pain. She's going out of her skull with boredom.

It is not financially feasible to get her dictation software right now, otherwise we would have already done it.

So, I come to you asking for ideas.

What can you do with ONLY your non-dominant hand, keeping in mind that she's not up to training her NDH to act as a dominant hand at present?

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December 2nd, 2010
01:10 am

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The Annual Birthday Blessings Post!
Heads-up!  This year, my secular birthday and Jewish birthday coincide almost exactly the way they did the day I was born!

That's kinda nifty.

The downside, of course, is you have basically 48 hours to get a blessing rather than a week or two.

My birthday essentially falls on Shabbat this year, so I may have to try to carry birthday mojo over past havdalah to get everyone covered, but I will *try* to bless you BEFORE Shabbat comes in, with an intent that it carries through for maximum awesome.

Blessings will start December 3 when I have enough brains and will probably finish just as we usher in the 28th of Kislev on Saturday night.

So, ask away, folks!


Current Mood: energeticenergetic
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October 13th, 2010
07:18 pm

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Signal Boost
I just got an email from the Bryn Mawr alum listserv.  Someone is looking to interview folks about their experiences with gender transitioning at a women's college.  I know that I know people who have been through this; maybe one of y'all would be willing to talk?  If so, drop me a line and I'll forward you the email. 

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October 3rd, 2010
01:00 am

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In which I suck.
I'm overdue to let LJ know how I'm doing.

I forgot to ask y'all for forgiveness during the Ten Days.

Things have been good lately, relatively speaking.  I had a good visit with my uncle in Philly.  I had a delightful conversation with the movement disorder specialist 

Option+Enter to post
which resulted in no Real Answers but some clarification.  I spent two weeks with Mara which were sorely needed.

I'm working on incorporating magic into my life in a way that makes sense.

I find myself more and more estranged from traditional Judaism not because of any particular belief issue but because you have to go to services.  There are people at services.  Twitchy Batshua has trouble being comfortable around people when she can't get her body to SIT STILL.  Any advice, y'all?

I'm slogging through old feedposts to get back to where I know what's going on in the world.  I may have missed something major in the process, because my feed reader tries to save me from myself periodically.

More news when I have news to share.

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September 2nd, 2010
12:31 am

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So, Life And Stuff
I… am still behind on LJ by quite a bit.

I need to fix that, but I'm working on shit like fixing my life first.

So.

My daughter's pregnant.

Nobody's throwing her a baby shower.

You can do fiber arts, right?  You can like, make her an awesome gender-neutral thing, yes?

And if you have spare yarn, maybe you can send some her way so that she can make stuff while she's queasy and bored. 

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August 15th, 2010
04:49 am

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Guuuh. Shiny toy is shiny.
So, B"H, I snagged an iPhone on Thursday so I don't have to worry about internet on my trip, which will greatly improve my sanity.  I only get 200 text messages a month, but I do have free mobile to mobile.

Do you have an iPhone?  If so, please let  me know because I'm going to be tagging iPhones in my phone book.  Extra points if you want to play with Facetime some time.

Also, iPhone users, I am overwhelmed with the number of free apps out there.  If you have recommendations for the following: tip calculators, shopping list apps, GPS programs, and anything else that's handy and free and has either no advertising or minimally obtrusive advertising, let me know.

(If I can get a similar app without advertising, that's always better, but there are a few apps that are so useful, I am willing to tolerate some ads.)

In any event, my pants continue to be bankrupt, but we're in the hundreds of posts now rather than thousands.

Today I started my sinus headache drug regimen and I also started up all my medications again.  This is a step in the right direction.

Fear not!  I am slowly returning to the social side of the internet.

P.S. As a reminder, I'm passing through Philly soonish.  I hope to meet up with folks, hit campus, say hi to nature, go to Reading Terminal Market, and just plain DO STUFF.  Having a Sing (formal or informal, I don't care) would also be wildly awesome.

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August 8th, 2010
08:43 pm

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Guuuuuuuuuuuuh.
I've basically had a month-long sinus headache.  I'm so out of it that sometimes I can't even tell I have a headache, just that I feel crappy.  Today, I'm so hypersensitive to sound that the sound of the air conditioner running hurts my ears.  And I have tinnitus.  So I can't even go with the standard "lie down and take a nap until it passes"; lying down quietly just means I can hear the ringing in my ears and the air conditioning better. I'm considering trying to nap with white noise or very quiet music to help mask the ringing, but I don't know if it'll work.

The fatigue I'm getting from these headaches is such that ... I don't even want to eat. Like, I don't even want to eat cake.  And I can't tell if I'm hungry, so then I also get low blood sugar headaches.  Changing the channel or paying attention to TV is too much work. I don't feel like playing computer games, and I can't read books.  All my parents see is that I'm sitting around all day and EVERYTHING is tiring me out to a ridiculous degree, even for me.  It takes so much energy to get up and set the table for dinner.  So, you know, I end up looking super-lazy.  And I feel so crappy I can't even think about swallowing pills, so I'm off my meds.  Oddly, despite feeling like a truck ran me over twice, I'm … in fairly good spirits and not very depressed.

Given that I recently heard there's a strong correlation between barometric pressure headaches and migraines, I'm seriously considering hitting up my neurologist for meds.  God knows, I don't need to be on another medication, so I'm hoping he has some sort of "nip it in the bud" option rather than a daily medication for me.  I know the Sudafed has been hit-or-miss, and for some reason I can't clearly articulate, I really don't like taking it.  It's not that it makes me feel bad, but I'm very resistant to taking it in comparison to say, an Advil or a prescription-strength headache med.  Mom keeps getting on my case to do the Neti pot, but I don't feel coordinated enough right now to successfully pull it off.  I have to feel clearheaded if I'm going to succeed in not-inhaling the saltwater mix.  The friend who pointed me to research on the whole sinus-headaches-can-be-migraines thing suggested I try Aleve, which I've never had.  Someone just suggested I try Mucinex D and chamomile tea until I can get some Imitrex from my doctor.  So far I've been subsisting on sinus massages only, so I welcome y'all's advice.

Current Mood: sickburnt or dead

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August 1st, 2010
07:42 pm

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Updateish.
Okay everyone… between me having epic depression and Vienna suddenly sucking all the time by crashing randomly, I stopped reading LJ for ... four months, maybe more.  My pants are completely and utterly bankrupt.  Nonetheless!  I'm going to try to catch up bit by bit.  Now that I have a free license for Socialite and it's finally stopped crashing every time I loaded my feeds, there's hope for me to finish this.  In case you're wondering why Socialite was crashing, it pulled up EVERY SINGLE POST FROM THE PAST 8 YEARS.  So I've had to go mark everything up to the past 6 months as read, and from there I'll start over.  Don't be surprised if you get new comments from me on very old posts.  Let me know if there are things I need to know about y'all, as I'm probably still going to have to skim a lot.

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July 16th, 2010
02:20 pm

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Driveby Wave and Announcement
Dear LJ friends,

I am still not-dead but not-LJing.  Don't worry.  Eventually I shall return.

However!

It has come to my attention that crystalpyramid and company are headed to the Austin area the weekend after next.  If you'd like to see her (and the people coming with her), drop her a line!

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful

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June 9th, 2010
07:56 pm

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Okay, so.
I have temporarily left LJ in favor of sitting under a rock.  I am something like 3 months behind on LJ.  My pants are utterly bankrupt, but I anticipate starting to catch up starting next month.  My life is being eaten by physical therapy, psych therapy, and a lot of online gaming.  I am not dead.

I am seeking other twitter folks so I have at least a vague clue of what's going on in your lives while I rebuild mine.

Option+Enter to post

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April 12th, 2010
06:30 am

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The World Has Ended.
I have joined Twitter.

Don't Panic!

I'm not leaving LiveJournal. I'm not shipping my tweets here via LoudTwitter.

I will not follow you if you tweet a lot. For starters, I doubt I'll be following anyone, but you're welcome to follow me if you you're willing to risk the possibility that I'm going to say things that are strange and/or inane.  I don't intend to be tweeting very much myself.

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March 8th, 2010
10:14 pm

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Status.
Alive in IL.

750+ feedposts behind. I have no idea what's going on in your life.

My life? More of the same, I guess, with added characters, or something.

Whatever.

Current Mood: blankblank

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