Batshua's Journal
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Below are the 50 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Batshua" journal:[<< Previous 50 entries]
10:25 am
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A call for musical assistance. So, I've become a big fan of Deirdre Flint. She has this one song "Jenny of 100 Dates" that has FOUR endings. I have legal copies of two. I emailed her to find out how I could get the other two ("Country Mormon Ending" and "Grand Old Party Ending"), and she wrote me back:
Wow, well, I think I have the country mormon ending, but as far as the other ending, I never did get that reprinted (after the first batch) so *I* don’t even have a copy of it. If you find a copy of it, you are welcome to pirate it.
Uh, so ... anyone have either version, or know someone who might? She didn't send me a copy of the Country Mormon Ending, but I expect I might get that from her eventually if she should dig up a copy, but I despair of getting the Grand Old Party Ending.
Come on, you guys! I have permission from the author to get a pirated version. A little help, please?
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11:41 pm
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Filters, privacy, stuff. If you're ON a filter you'd like OFF of, please say so. I want to be open with as many people as I feel comfortable with, but I also realize there's such a thing as oversharing.
By the same token, I will *consider* requests to give folks access to more private posts; sometimes I lose track of who can see what, and it's entirely possible there are folks out there who I'd trust with some of my secrets who have never seen them because I simply forgot to update the filters.
Over the next few days, I am modifying the permissions on some of my filters. Some people are going off filters, others are going on filters.
You may see no change, but please refresh my LJ if you think our mutual trust level has changed.
I hope anyone who does NOT see change doesn't take it personally; as evidenced by the previous post, I do have some trust issues I'm working with here.
Current Mood: pensive
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08:53 pm
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On privacy and paranoia. I made a fairly private entry about a fairly public article today. I am torn as to how much information I should share, and with who; I don't know who to trust.
Why yes, I do have serious trust issues.
Current Mood: contemplative
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05:58 pm
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Well, shit. Mom wasn't feeling well Erev Yom Kippur and so she didn't fast this year. She spent most of the day sleeping in bed, and sipping tea when she could.
I just came downstairs after having REALLY turned my sleep cycle on its head, and guess what?!
We've got H1N1 in the house!
AND I HAVE TO TAKE MEDS FOR IT.
Now I gotta find out if it is known for negative interactions with any of my regular meds.
Fun. Times.
How much you wanna bet that my brother and father don't remember to ask the pharmacist if it's okay for me to take the meds with my current regimen?
Not that it's a huge pain for me to call or anything, it's just guh, you know?
P.S. No, I'm not that worried about mom right now. She feels crappy, but she's not running a dangerously high fever or anything.
Current Mood: blah
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02:17 pm
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Repentance: The Reason for the Season It's that time of year again when we (by which I meant "me", but more broadly "we" means members of the Jewish community) take stock of the past year's accomplishments and failures and look towards the future. Part of this involves you, so I put this out there to all of you in internet-land:
If I have done or said anything in the past year and my actions hurt you, or did not do or did not say something I should have in the past year and my inaction hurt you, I humbly beg your forgiveness.
Of course, if you have a something you feel the need to discuss, you can do it here. If you want to screen your comments, that's entirely understandable.
P.S. This also means I'll be essentially off the internet for the next couple of days. Depending on how hectic tonight is, I may or may not log off, but if you see me, know it's just that I left my computer logged on, and IMing me won't work.
Current Mood: contemplative
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07:59 pm
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Interview Meme, this round courtesy of poeticknowledge.
poeticknowledge poeticknowlege wrote,
1) Has there ever been a book that you have read that has been so profound in meaning that it has ultimately changed your life in some way?
I guess I could go totally cliche and say "The Bible", but uh, no, not really. I guess I need to read more books to find one that affects me profoundly enough to change my life.
2) If you could pick any place to visit around the world, where would you travel to?
Well, I miss Guatemala and I haven't been back to Israel in a long time, but a new place? I've always wanted to see the Alps.
3) Do you have a favorite place you like to go to when you're feeling stressed or down?
Not a physical space, exactly. Don't laugh. I got an account on Habbo Hotel freshman year in college, and a while after I graduated, I started getting a bunch of furniture gifted to me, and the my rooms started developing into a virtual space I could retreat to. My rooms are very zen and have soothing themes, which is what my rooms would be like in the real world if I actually wasn't such a messy person who collects mounts of cool Stuff.
4) What are some of your favorite quotes?
Most of my favorite quotes are weird things the Sages say in the Talmud, and no, I don't have these all memorized:
Assume for yourself a master, acquire for yourself a friend, and judge every man to the side of merit. -- Joshua ben Perachia
Say little and do much. And receive every man with a pleasant countenance. -- Shammai
It is not incumbent upon you to finish the task, but neither are you free to absolve yourself from it. -- Rabbi Tarfon
One whose deeds exceed his wisdom, his wisdom endures. But one whose wisdom exceeds his deeds, his wisdom does not endure. -- Rabbi Chanina ben Dosa
Who is wise? One who learns from every man. Who is strong? One who overpowers his inclinations. Who is rich? One who is satisfied with his lot. Who is honorable? One who honors his fellows. -- Ben Zoma
Do not scorn any man, and do not discount any thing. For there is no man who has not his hour, and no thing that has not its place. -- Ben Azzai
There are three crowns--the crown of Torah, the crown of priesthood and the crown of sovereignty--but the crown of good name surmounts them all. -- Rabbi Shimon
Be first to greet every man. Be a tail to lions, rather than a head to foxes. -- Rabbi Matya ben Charash
One who learns from his fellow a single chapter, or a single law, or a single verse, or a single word, or even a single letter, he must treat him with respect. -- Pirkei Avot, Chapter Six
Talmud quotes with less specific citations:
Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, "Grow, grow."
A person will be called to account on Judgment Day for every permissible thing he might have enjoyed but did not.
Richer is one hour of repentance and good works in this world than all of life of the world to come; and richer is one hour's calm of spirit in the world to come than all of life of this world.
5) If you had the power to travel into the world of any book, which book would it be?
Hm, I didn't read a lot of fantasy books as a child, so most of my book worlds are just past worlds of ours. Although, I'm really fond of Frances Hodgson Burnett's works, where you've got basically an invitation to make a Shirley Temple movie: drastic change in station for a child is the major plot point. I always wanted my own secret garden.
Tags: identity, interview meme
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02:57 pm
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Local Help Request San Antonians, I need to borrow a small-sized torx screwdriver for about five minutes. Can anyone spot me one? I really don't want to go through the trouble of buying a screwdriver just for a quick one-time thing.
Thanks!
Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Robyn Helzner - Na'aleh Na'aleh | Powered by Last.fm
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08:46 am
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Apropos of Nothing… Does anyone have or know where I can find an mp3-type recording of Jabberwocky set to Greensleeves?
"But, Batshua!", you say, "Surely you know Jabberwocky by now!"
Well, uhm, actually, I don't. I know parts of it, but not always in order. I never learned to declaim it properly.
"But, Batshua!", you say, "You can find the text of Jabberwocky online in plenty of places. Can't you just sing it to Greensleeves yourself? You *do* know Greensleeves, right? … Well, you haven't got Jabberwocky memorized, so maybe I shouldn't assume."
Well, uhm, I *mostly* know Greensleeves? I can fake it because I know The Madrigal of Sir Greenbaum, but I don't know it solidly like songs I learned in childhood.
"So why do you need a recording of Jabberwocky set to Greensleeves?"
Well, actually, the most important things for me are twofold:
1) Scansion, scansion, scansion. (Yes, that's one, not 1, 2, and 3. If you've seen or heard me try to make anything scan before, you'll understand why it's listed thrice.)
2) I … don't actually know how to pronounce most of the "words" in Jabberwocky.
So, uhm, does anyone have or know where I can find an mp3-type recording of Jabberwocky set to Greensleeves?
Thanks, y'all!
P.S. .oO(Did I just use "twofold" improperly?)
Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Benjamin Newman - When You Call (A Song for Rydia) | Powered by Last.fm
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04:33 pm
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I am an *idiot*. I had a total brain fart today.
I was counting out my pills to take some, and then they were all gone.
That is, I was holding three Lyrica and three Metformin, and then I wasn't.
I don't know if I swallowed two pills and put four back in their respective bottles, or swallowed six pills.
I have NO IDEA how that happened. I ... am not usually this much of a space cadet, like, ever. Especially not with medication. But usually when I'm dealing with pills I demand complete silence so I can concentrate, and this time people kept talking so I might have been distracted. I hope.
So I had to call the pharmacist.
Who told me I should eat a large meal, and then dessert, and stock up on cake and candy so I don't have a low blood sugar incident.
Which means, even though I weigh WAY too much, today my mother HAD to buy me ice cream and candy. And she can't tell me I can't eat it.
Excuse me while I go laugh.
Current Mood: *facepalm*
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02:11 pm
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Yup, Not Done With Strange Dreams Yet I got the feeling I've had this dream before recently. I dreamt that I was ... in high school at Bryn Mawr, I hadn't gotten my schedule yet, and I was nervous. I was talking to Mara either over the phone or telepathically and I was saying something about how I hadn't seen her in a while and I was wondering what my schedule was, what her schedule was, and when I'd see her again.
Strange.
Tags: dreams
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07:15 pm
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Yet Another Strange Dream We had a family reunion at my grandparents' house. Which had since been renovated. The people who bought the house had rented it out to us for a few days.
(Reports from my uncle in real life tells me the house was sold to a contractor, and yes, he has changed the house around quite a bit; it's strange to put the real world into a dream in a way that actually makes sense for once.)
We went down to the second bathroom to see the shower that's been added (yes, news from my uncle is they've actually added a shower there), and it was quite small (which makes sense, unless they've knocked down a wall and expanded into the backyard).
I commented that I wanted to see the bathroom they've added in the basement (yup, another bathroom added there IRL...), but I don't remember actually seeing the bathroom, although I discovered they ... moved the garage into the basement (?!), but it was pretty empty.
When I was looking around outside, I noticed all the houses across the street were shabby little shacks painted in bright pastel colors.
I walked around the backyard and discovered a number of large old buildings I didn't remember, possibly including a barn.
I went to the upstairs bathroom, which had been renovated (not to my knowledge IRL, but this is the one that gets redone in my dreams normally), and it was ... massive. Huge. Unspeakably big. Enormous showers, two or three of them, right next to each other. And a stadium. And a tennis court. In the bathroom. It was so big it somehow took up the side yard, even though, you know, that bathroom is UPSTAIRS. And apparently although it's inside, it was RAINING.
My mother was at the family reunion, milling around with people, but I didn't see her much. All the relatives I saw were female and I didn't know who they were.
... What's up with the vivid dreams lately, and why the heck do I dream about bathrooms so much?
Tags: dreams, utter confusion, wtf
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08:34 pm
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Another Strange Dream Two in a row, even!
I dreamt that instead of saying goodbye to sauvin at the airport, he'd packed a couple of small carryon bags and he came with me to a very large hotel -- where my family was having some sort of reunion gathering type thing. I put sauvin on a different floor than my family to avoid any awkward run-ins.
But it was strange. I didn't see much of sauvin OR my family. I only saw my uncle, mother and my grandfather. Apparently, my uncle and I had an extremely forgettable conversation. My grandfather made some fairly dirty comment that I'm pretty sure he'd never make in real life, if he were still alive. I talked to my mother because an electrical socket in the bathroom shocked me; it wasn't grounded properly -- except that bathroom was sorta in my house but sorta in the hotel, which might have meant my brother and I were sharing a suite. I had a general sense that he was near my bathroom, much like he is in real life. In real life, mom's the person you tell when something is wrong with the house or car, so that almost even makes sense.
I was sad because I didn't see sauvin much, which is kind of weird, because I didn't see much of my family at a family reunion, either, but that DIDN'T make me sad. I woke up while I was walking around the hotel looking for sauvin to say goodbye. I think the reunion was ending and we were all going home.
What the hell is wrong with my brane?!
Tags: dreams, utter confusion, wtf
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05:06 pm
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Strange Dream Most folks know by now that I have this strange Alternate Bryn Mawr in my dreams. Last night, things got rather weirder.
I was in a ginormous Alternate Brecon, which apparently was part of a huge Jewish, coed Bryn Mawr-type place. Like imagine a post-denominational coed yeshiva for all ages. Most of the boarders were college age, while the younger kids were mostly commuters, you know, driven by their parents or picked up by bus or whatever. In any event, for whatever freaking reason, sauvin was visiting, and we were trying to find a private place for me to shower.
Those of you who know me in real life know I'm a huge privacy freak.
Uh, the bathrooms? Were coed. Like, gym showers, some were large and open, and others were stalls with tiny flimsy curtains.
*twitch*
Did I mention they were coed?
Almost everyone was walking in bathing suits or towels or bathrobes, but there were just way too many people. These bathrooms were huge and I just wanted a little corner of privacy.
There were massive lines of people and it seemed like most of the women were just like "whatever" and had commandeered one section of the bathroom as theirs, so I'm standing in a line with a bunch of guys, trying to find a shower stall. Weird. Really weird.
I'm not sure I'm going to be able to explain this right, but as best I can understand, the people who planned the bathrooms were kind of insane. Each shower had a drain, but it was expected that there would be some overflow from time to time, so the entire shower area was sloped ... to the other side of the room, where the water collected in a chlorinated pool ... that, you know, nobody in their right mind would swim in. The people in line were on a sort of ... bridge over where the water passed.
I was on my way up to a higher floor to find shower privacy when I woke up.
... What the hell?!
Tags: dreams, utter confusion, wtf
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07:03 pm
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Interview Meme, this round courtesy of Boon "Grumpypants" Dogle.
Boon "Grumpypants" Dogle chasingtides wrote,
1. What's your favorite type of mint? Why?
I pretty much love any kind of mint. I'm not sure I have a favorite. I'm a big fan, and really glad that I don't have the genetic defect my dad and uncle have, which makes mint, anise, licorice, and sassafras taste bitter.
2. What is your opinion on homeopathic medicine?
I mostly don't know enough about how it's practiced today. From what I hear, some of it is totally insane bunk that almost nobody does anymore, and some of it seems to be potentially helpful, but I haven't had much in the way of personal experience with it.
3. If you were told the world were ending tomorrow, what would you do today?
Settle up with everyone. Ask for forgiveness, pay off debts, and tell those I care about that I love them. Then, I would have the most decadent meal I could possibly think of ordering. If you're dying tomorrow, who cares about calories?
4. What is a sure-fire way to remind you of home?
I'm not sure where home is anymore, exactly, but I have an idealized version of home. Home is cold fried fish, potato knick, warm mushroom and barley soup, and fresh-baked nanny cookies with milk.
5. If you had to live in one place for the rest of your life (you could vacation, but never move away), where would you choose to live?
Last time I got asked a question like this, I went with an idealized place that I know probably doesn't exist. This time, I'm going with the Boston area. Yes, it's freaking cold, and I hate the cold, but more of my friends are concentrated there than anywhere else, and there's tons of fruity, crunchy, Jewsy, pagany, queerish people there, so I could easily make new connections.
Tags: identity, interview meme
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04:34 pm
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Rambly Thoughts I just read a couple of posts about things like accepting pain and reclaiming power by fighting the victim role, and I have to say I'm conflicted. It's brought up a lot of different thoughts; some good, some bad. Some people will see this post as pure angst, but I was aiming for reflection. If you think this will upset you, please skip it.
I'm not entirely sure what the OP meant by "accepting pain". Did she mean to say that we should accept it exists, or that we should not fight against it with all our might, working hard to ameliorate it because ... I don't know, maybe expending so much energy would eventually make us hurt more? It wasn't 100% clear to me, but there were some good and useful points I took away from it, some of which I already knew but it helps to reinforce:
Your pain is your pain. Your pain is real. Only you know what it feels like. Comparing it to other folks' pain is generally a bad idea that only makes someone in the equation feel worse. It's a foolish exercise with no possible positive outcome. When other folks do this for you, it's annoying and rude. Ignore them.
She talks about ... basically that Serenity Thing (blech!) -- accept what you can change, work on that, and do your best to let go of the rest. I think that might be helpful to folks for whom lifestyle change might actually make a difference, but I just thought about folks for whom that has totally failed. I remember all the horrible diets I'd been put on and how miserably they failed to help (with whatever, I've been on different diets for different reasons) despite my best efforts. I've not written off lifestyle change entirely -- when I have more freedom, I expect to eat better and exercise more, but I have to get there first.
At the same time, I am currently rejecting certain diets -- both low-oxalate and salicylate avoidance because I AM ALREADY ON A DIET. Keeping kosher IS a diet. It's not a hard one for me, but it does limit my food choices and sometimes people forget that. Trying to lose weight while keeping kosher isn't harder than it'd be to do a weight loss diet otherwise -- I've done it before quite successfully, UNLESS you don't have control over what's available to eat. (I don't really have the energy right now to cook for myself or deal with others' criticism of my food choices, which inevitably happens when I choose to try to lose weight.) However, trying to lose weight while keeping kosher AND avoiding two different classes of potentially pain-causing foods sounds very much like an UNHOLY nightmare, especially because a number of foods that I would be eating if I were trying to lose weight happen to be perfectly healthy fruits and vegetables which are unfortunately not low-oxalate. Don't even get me started on salicylates. I skimmed a bit about it to see if it would be something simple I could do to help myself, but it's not just a diet, it's a complete lifestyle change, including things like toothpaste and facial care. I might want to try it sometime, but I'm not really equipped to deal with something drastic like that right now.
The other poster talked about how you can give up all your power, and remain powerless because of the sick role, and if you take your power back, you can take charge of your life.
A tiny excerpt:
"… each of us has access to an incredible amount of power, wealth, success, and creative energy …"
… Power, wealth, success, and creative energy?! If someone had told me how to tap into them, gosh, I'd surely be rich as Midas by now, running my own company that does some awesome thing!
Seriously, though, it doesn't matter how many jobs I apply for, I will not get a job unless someone is actually willing to hire me. It's as simple as that. People want their employees to have more experience in their entry-level positions than I have, so it's a difficult, uphill battle.
I know these writers are trying to inspire and encourage.
I feel like advice like this is always a mixed bag.
Am I bitter?
Yesterday I realized I'd been seeing my chiropractor for over six months. During that time, I've seen short term positive change (heat and e-stim make me feel better day-to-day), but long term decline (I keep getting new symptoms that we aren't addressing because they're "little issues" and we're trying to deal with the "big issues"). I can't fault her for aiming for the big issues first -- it makes sense because we believe that the little issues are resulting from the big issues, and if we attack the cause, everything will improve, but it scares me that I continue to manifest strange new problems every so often.
A few interesting things have come out of my time with her. I'm more aware of my body. I'm more capable of clearly explaining where it hurts and what kind of pain it is and how it feels. This is great from a medical point of view. Instead of saying "It hurts everywhere", I can now say "It hurts everywhere, but today the worst pain is localized in my shoulders, glutes, and hips; my piriformes are tight, especially my right hip which is achy and tender. I have knots and trigger points all over my glutes, my shoulders have those standard tight spots, and for some reason my hands have tightened up again. Oddly, my back feels pretty good today… except for my lower back." From a non-medical point of view, this is not necessarily so good. I'm doing better about figuring out causality of the aggravation of my pain, which is also great. With this information, I am trying to learn to accept my limitations. The downside is I notice things that keep me from seeking out various kinds of work. I now know that I really can't stand for 8 hours. I can't wear a headset because after a few hours my ears get really sore and hypersensitive. This rules out the vast majority of retail jobs and things that are crappy but reliable like customer service. I already had to quit a temp job because I was getting chronic eyestrain and headaches despite resting on the weekends. There were only something like 8 days of work left, but I just couldn't do it anymore. My parents were so angry and disappointed in me, but I felt that I had no choice but to leave the job before things got worse.
I am fearful, and those who know me know that I am already a damn chronic worrier, but I repeat, I am fearful. I am fearful that I will be unable to secure and maintain a job that: pays me a living wage and offers good health insurance and doesn't make me sick on a daily basis. I am TERRIFIED that I will fail to become independent.
I have, at times, seriously considered MARRIAGE for health insurance. My criteria for a mate have changed drastically from where they were when I was graduating college. Now, a future spouse will have to be someone I can legally marry, who has good health insurance, and a steady job which earns enough to support us both IN CASE I BECOME TOO DISABLED TO WORK.
Forget love and happiness, I just want to survive.
I am trying to make a plan to move forward in life by looking for a job in Boston and moving far from my folks, hopefully reinforcing my claim on independence, but a large number of variables in this plan are out of my hands. All I can do is leap and hope a net will appear.
I just want to be a human being who can manage to live on her own someday.
Please God, let it be soon.
Tags: angsting, cranky, life and stuff, thinking
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10:51 pm
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Quick Survey Uh, yeah, so I'm trying to plan a job hunting trip to Boston in September. Given this, I ask you, gentle readers, the following:
Do you live in the Boston area?
Can you offer me a couch if need be?
Do you have any idea how I could get a job in the Boston area?
Current Mood: hopeful
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10:09 pm
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So. At the behest of a friend, I am trying to flesh out my LinkedIn profile. Anyone who I should add?
Current Mood: curious
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01:02 pm
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Update, of sorts. In case you didn't know:
I was working, for about a month, at a temp place. Doing scoring. I signed a long and complicated NDA and so I have no idea what I can or can't talk about. It was hard work. I had to quit because I developed a two-week long case of eyestrain and headache. My direct supervisor got on my case for me resting my eyes and I realized it wasn't going to improve, that eventually I'd be in too much pain to work, and would get fired. I instead elected to quit while I was ahead, as it were.
Therefore, I am once again unemployed and am currently applying to a Rather Challenging Job that is either Right Up My Alley or A Giant Catastrophe Waiting To Happen. I won't know which one it is for a while, but I feel like I have to go for it.
Yeah, I know I'm not posting much, but how much do you really want to read posts like this:
"I am depressed. I am unemployed. I am tired of looking for work. Life is exhausting me. Grr, my parents are being annoying. Grar!"
Because, uh, that's my daily life. I'm pulling out of the depression again, although I don't know how or why.
I am leaving for one place where my soul sits on Friday, where I'll be for the weekend. After that, a few days in NY with klaudie and after that, a cruise celebrating a friend's graduation. During this time, I will not have my laptop with me. My pants may or may not become bankrupt. I will do my best to keep up, and I imagine that my RSS reader will collect all the feeds, but I will probably skip, uh, a LOT of them, since I'll have at least a two week backlog when I get home.
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10:18 am
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What the crap, people?! I have a daily pill regimen. It is currently 11 pills and is about to increase to 15. Some are supposed to be taken with food, some without. This is not easy to keep up with.
My pill regimen wasn't always this complicated. After years of increasing complexity and many bouts of really screwing things up, I finally found a pill timing method that worked for me.
This pill bottle timer works on the interval system. Instead of telling me to take my pills at 2:30, it tells me to take my pills when it's been X hours since my last dose. This works oodles better than setting individual alarms, because it adjusts beautifully to my often-changing wake-sleep and eating patterns. It's the only pill timer I've ever found that does this. Great, right?
Well, uh... no. Two months ago, I bought a replacement set (even though I only need one, they only sell in 3-packs) because my old set was finally good and dead and, of course, I was messing up my damn pills again.
They died last week. Yes, all three of them. I emailed customer service. This morning they emailed back and told me to call. (?!) So I called. The woman I talked to said that there was "no guarantee how long the batteries would last". Well, yes, there is no way to know how long a battery will ever last, but the page specifically states "Battery included and lasts for 1 year (non-replaceable)", so I expect the damn battery to last for pretty damn close to a year! Uh, and the battery it IS hard to replace. We tried hacking a broken one open last year to replace the battery and frankly, it's a bitch. It IS practically non replaceable. That is WHY I ordered a new set. She said something about how she could send me replacement caps but she couldn't do anything if those failed and the warranty wouldn't start over. I didn't get quite what she meant until I reread the page. Yes, it says "30-Day money back guarantee." (But I don't WANT my money back! I want a working pill timer!) However, LITERALLY RIGHT AFTER THAT, it says "Note battery can not be replaced (lasts one year)." Selective reading skills, much?
It says it lasts a year. It says it in two places. I think it is VERY REASONABLE to expect that the battery last one year. I think it is VERY UNREASONABLE for the company to be unwilling to honor this simple claim.
Obviously I'm not going to look a "gift horse" (as they see it) in the mouth re getting these replacement caps, but thoughts on what one might do about this? What the hell ever happened to quality and decency?
Current Mood: aggravated
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02:20 pm
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Not a meme If you were going to describe me to someone else, how would you describe me? I'm looking for positive phrases to describe me on a resume for one of those cheesy looking resume summary headings. Alright, guys, show me what you've got. I know y'all can do a much better job than I can at this stuff.
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06:24 pm
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Today is officially fired. So, today, TWO cars crossed a double yellow line and were driving right at me. What the crap, Universe? What the crap?
…
And then, I got sideswiped but good. Car's got a nasty dent in it and I'm seriously freaked out, but physically, I'm fine.
Even if we had money to repair the car, Dad wouldn't do it.
I'm fairly peeved, but given the economy, I'll have to keep the cosmetic damage for a while.
Seriously, today is officially fired.
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06:42 pm
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Resume Helps?
platypuses was helping me reformat my resume, but she said it probably still needed some work if we wanted to go with a more bullet-point style. Given that I currently am teh unemployed, it behooves me to give this a shot. (Did I just say "behooves"? That always makes me think of cattle.) I? Would like some help with this. I feel like since I graduated, my brain has turned to mush and I don't want to do anything incredibly stupid. Anyone wanna give me a hand?
Current Mood: hopeful
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08:41 am
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... Just... wow. I usually don't post things that I don't actually need to spend money on to my LJ, but these are so cool, and hell, I might actually buy them someday.
Two words, folks:
Recipe dice.
Current Mood: amused
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08:32 am
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Pain. Do you ever have one of those days where you wake up and one of your first thoughts it "well, shit"?
It may shock you to know this, but I don't deal well with pain. I cope well in my daily life because the pain I have is predictable in that it's pretty much the same pain every day. Sure, it waxes and wanes, but at least it's the same general kind of pain. I know how it feels. I know roughly what to expect.
Except this morning. This morning, I woke up and I didn't know immediately what kind of pain I was in. This happens a lot, actually, but usually it doesn't hold any surprises when I find out. When I got out of the car to head to class, I discovered that my wrist, my only wrist, the one I love, Isaac -- er, I mean, my wrist, my dominant wrist, the one I love, the right wrist was really, painfully stuck. I've been having a little bit of trouble with this wrist being extra hurty and sticky lately, but nothing like this. I've been working on it for about half an hour now, and I have some mobility back, but it still hurts just to have a wrist. Why, then, am I typing? Because I have class in about half an hour, and if I'm NOT typing, my professor will probably have some sort of fit. I'd best get used to the pain. When I get home, I am SO taking some advil. Or maybe even some nabumetone.
Widespread, diffuse pain I can deal with. This localized pain shit? Sucks. It might be only one wrist, but it just so happens to be the wrist I use the most. I don't know how to get around it.
Here's hoping whatever anti-inflammatories I can throw at it help until I see my doc on Monday.
Current Mood: ouchie
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11:30 am
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Dear LJ Friends, Uhm. Hi.
So I should like, use this journal, to, like, journal and tell you what's going on with my life, right?
Oops. Sorry, I, like, forgot about that.
Sorry about the Valley Girl Speak. It's a side effect of having my brain drip out of my ears.
So. The might maybe job led me to go "back" to school at the local junior college. After a ridiculously long, complicated, stressful, and all-around STUPID adventure, I managed to get overenrolled into the Java course as an auditing student -- Did you know it cost me an extra $12 to audit the class?! Yes, on top of tuition. Wtf?! -- at the last possible minute.
OhmydearGOD do I have culture shock! I went to SAC for one semester during medical leave and I loved it -- because I was in the ASL and Deaf Culture department, with a little bit of Humanities thrown in. It was like all the good parts of high school. Classes and work was easy, but I was still learning, and my stress level was low. I was curious and engaged and it was fun.
The Math and Computer Science Department? Uh, very, VERY different. They treat us like BABIES. We started learning to code in NOTEPAD. Who the hell codes in Notepad? Explain me that. So now we've moved onto Eclipse, a free, but slow, buggy, and all-around annoying IDE. Did I mention that on my very new computer -- which, if you have not heard the story about, you should ask -- , it took 20 minutes to launch? I wasn't running very much in the background.
I was informed by someone who seemed In Charge that I'm not permitted to charge my laptop in the computer lab, but I may charge it out in the hallway if I wish.
… I really, really, REALLY hate stupid rules. Especially ones where they don't even give you a reason, any reason, even a stupid one, for creating and enforcing bullshit. My therapist says maybe these profs feel like little fish because they're at a junior college and just want to wield power. I dunno, it just really irritates me. Even as a frosh at Bryn Mawr, I was treated as a real person, even by profs who thought I was really, seriously weird and maybe just a little bit off. By the time I was thesising, I was calling my advisors by their first names sometimes. I don't expect to be chummy with the profs here, or to be treated as an equal by any means, but the sense of being treated as a child or non-thinking being really grates on me.
Also, guys. Hello, males! I keep forgetting that Bryn Mawr was a bubble, that not all colleges are single-sex, that SAC is coed and these guys have a right to be here and I don't have the right to interrogate someone as to why they are present and who they belong to. It's just a little weird sometimes. They're everywhere, and I'm not used to experiencing that on a campus.
Well, I'm slowly adjusting. If nothing else, getting up at 6:30 AM 3x a week means I'm forced to try to keep a slightly saner sleep schedule. I'm trying not to let all the changes and pet peeves annoy me too much. I'm just here to learn and I'm not even getting grades, a choice I made to make it easier to enroll me and to avoid increasing my stress level.
So, yeah. That's what's what. I'm also supposed to make a 101 list and some goals for my therapist as "homework". That sounds like a generally good idea, period, so I may post 'em here, as well. She's keeping me from going Lizzie Borden on the folks, so if I go back into conversational-style LJing, you'll hear me talk about her a lot.
Hm, what else? My pants are utterly bankrupt. A couple days ago I was over 800 posts behind. Today it's around 500. I am going to be paring my feeds. This is not the same as paring my friendslist. What will happen is certain people will be cut from my reading list but still friended in LJ. If you're concerned you're being cut, you can feel free to ask me to keep you in, and I will do my best to accommodate you, but:
1) I am regularly bankrupting my pants such that it is disruptive to my life. While I live on the intarwebs, I don't want to be so dependent on it that I need an RSS feed implant placed in my brane. Reading one's feeds should not be treated as a chore or duty, and I'm getting so many posts these days that that's how it feels. I can't take a day off or I get too far behind and it takes me hours to catch up. That's just not cool.
2) Even if you get pared, we're still friends. You can email or IM me, and if something important goes on in your life, feel free to talk to me about it and/or direct me to your LJ post on the matter.
3) I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so please, please, PLEASE don't take this as a personal affront. I just don't need LJ eating my soul anymore. I spend so much time online I rarely get to read anything on paper anymore. I haven't done pleasure reading in a LONG time. This is not cool.
4) Anything else? Feel free to ask.
Current Mood: accomplished
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08:10 pm
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Interview Meme, this round courtesy of silvergirl.
silvergirl silvergirl354 wrote,
1. What official and personal meaning is there behind the name "Batshua"?
Well, it's my Hebrew name, and it's a rare Biblical one. There's not a lot of *clear* agreement on what it means. Most sources hold it's a variant on Batsheva, so it's often translated as "daughter of an oath", but I've also heard it translated as "daughter of salvation" -- from the same shoresh as Joshua, or "daughter of seven" or even something having to do with wells.
For me, it's as close to a True Name as I have. I answer to it more than my legal first name, which is incredibly common. People calling for me by THAT name rarely get me to respond, because since my name is so common, usually people calling my name are calling for someone else.
2. How does it work being asexual and polyamorous at the same time? and how does that fit in with your desire to be Orthodox?
I think the asexuality and polyamory often work hand-in-hand. The lines between friendship and romantic love are very blurred for me, most likely due to the asexuality. So I fall in love easily. With lots of people. That's the polyamory. Most of those relationships don't evolve beyond friendship, so I guess it's more polyamory in theory than in practice.
At this stage in my life, I don't know what I want religiously. Strike that, I sorta know. I'm not sure I want to be Orthodox, but I *do* want to be observant to some extent. I honestly don't know how being polyamorous in practice would work out, but I have faith that I'll end up in the right relationship for me and the right community for me so long as I keep working at it.
3. What is your response to the "swap" just approved by the Knesset a few days ago?
Okay, so this was WAY more than "a few days ago" -- I put off doing this meme for a really long time because I agonized over my response. I wanted to tell the truth about how I feel in a clear and frank way, but it took me a long time to figure out how I felt. Okay, so here goes. I don't think there IS a right answer. It's a big mitzvah to ransom captives, yes, even when it's just their bodies we're bringing home. But we also pay a terrible price to do it. Sometimes I wish we could just fight wars by playing chess. I know that nobody in the world would actually agree to that, but if in some fantastical world it could be managed, there would be a lot fewer families begging for the return of their sons, dead or alive. It is always a difficult decision. I feel that the swap is an act of mercy for these families in pain. I also recognize that the consequences of the swap put other families in peril, risking more attacks. I'm not going to say it's the right decision nor the wrong one, but I think this: as sad as it is, even if we never did a single swap, there would still be plenty of people trying to hurt civilians in Israel. If we kept them, would it be more than just a drop in the bucket? It's horrible that we exchange living people for the dead. But do we have any true choice? I don't know. I don't live there, so I don't know what it's *really* like.
4. What is your quest?
I'm not sure I know yet. Maybe that's my quest!
5. In what way are you most blessed?
My friends. Definitely my friends. If it wasn't for my friends, I think I'd lose my sanity. They are the reason I keep going despite all the crap that goes on in my life. They remind me that there's a brighter future to look forward to when I'm feeling down.
Tags: asexuality, identity, interview meme, spirituality
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02:16 am
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Pray for me. There might maybe be a job in my future if I can do some learning. I am going to go into an intense session of re-learning how to code. Pray that I can learn quickly and efficiently and that the skills I re-gain permit me to write neat, efficient code that permits me to obtain and retain employment, and that I have the focus to do it for the long hours necessary. This wasn't the career path I had in mind at all, but it could really work for me.
Current Mood: hopeful, for once
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05:45 pm
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Hey, kids! It's time for another episode of Ask Dr. LJ! So, the more I think about this, the more I wonder which version of Windows is least wrong for my needs.
So here's what it's gonna do:
Run WITHIN VirtualBox. (I prefer a Linux distro for my primary OS on this potential PVR.) Run Silverlight for Netflix Watch Instantly within Firefox because Moonlight doesn't do it. Run iTunes - not necessary, but nice. Run Safari - also not necessary, but nice. Run VirtualBox in worst case scenario. If at all possible, interface with the wireless card. If not, obviously I must at least have ethernet.
I have a dual processor on the parts I think I'm buying (used, from my brother), so I probably need to go with 64 bit.
So, XP Professional? XP Media Center? Vista Home Premium 64 bit? Something else?
I want what will work the best for the least money.
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04:00 pm
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Eeee! Thank you, queenlyzard! So, I FINALLY got your package today, after the media mail taking forever and Borders requiring a signature.
I am so stoked to have Jewish Holiday Origami added to my origami library! I am going to make like every single Jewish project in there as each holiday approaches!
*does the happy dance of happiness*
That was SO totally worth the wait!
Thank you! ^^
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05:39 pm
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Computer People? I am contemplating building a PVR which will run Linux. Nonetheless, in order to facilitate running Netflix Watch Instantly, one needs this thing: "Windows XP with Service Pack 2, or Vista". So, uh, does anyone have a spare legal copy of XP or Vista for sale? I'd rather have a used copy since I'm not fond of giving monies to Microsoft, but at the same time, I'm not fond of stealing, either.
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03:39 pm
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Holiday Filk, etc. So, I was in the shower, and I had this idea. What? Don't look at me like that! I get all my best ideas in the shower!
Anyway, I thought, if Jews went caroling, they'd do it during the High Holidays. And so, I started writing snippets of filk. And since I can't write a melody to save my life, I stole some.
Works in progress:
God Bless You, Merry Gentlefolk
God bless you, merry gentlefolk, May nothing you dismay, And may you have an easy fast On yon Yom Kippur day For your name to be inscribed upon The Book of Life we pray,
O tidings of nachas and oy, Nachas and oy, O tidings of nachas and oy.
We Wish You An Easy Fasting
We wish you an easy fasting, We wish you an easy fasting, We wish you an easy fasting, And a happy new year!
We ask you please to forgive our past sins, We wish you an easy fasting and a happy new year!
Now bring us a piece of halvah, Now bring us a piece of halvah, Now bring us a piece of halvah, And bring some out here!
Does it have the right hashgacha? Does it have the right hashgacha? Does it have the right hashgacha? Is it safe to eat here?
Now we'll say all say the proper bracha, Now we'll say all say the proper bracha, Now we'll say all say the proper bracha, And Al Hamichyah!
May you be inscribed in the Book of Life, We wish you an easy fasting and a happy new year!
We wish you an easy fasting, We wish you an easy fasting, We wish you an easy fasting, And a happy new year!
I'm also thinking there should be reverse trick-or-treating around Purimtime. You go around dressed up in costume, ring bells, and say "Mishloach Manot!" and give people their baskets.
Obviously, one can't participate in either of these customs properly if one doesn't live in a sufficiently Jewish community, so if anyone wants to do them, tell me all about it.
Current Mood: giggly
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06:08 pm
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The Sun Is Almost Set! Dear everyone,
May you always have what you want and what you need, and may the two always be aligned in harmony. May you always have more joy than sorrow. May your worries always be few and small. May you always have a song in your heart to uplift your soul, and may you always be surrounded by friends.
It's been great passing on blessings, see y'all in another three hundred fifty-something days!*
*Okay, so I could give blessings the rest of the year if anyone wanted, but they do get supercharged on my birthday, so if you missed your chance, it's not like I won't bless you at all. You can still ask.
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03:00 pm
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Hey, Mac Users! Want some free software? Let me know and I'll send you a shiny invite. I'm not much for spamming folks, even with free stuff, so you'll have to let me know if you want in.
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02:34 pm
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Blessings! As you may or may not know, my birthday starts tomorrow night at sundown and continues through Wednesday. During this time, you are welcome to ask for a blessing from me. Feel free to specify something if there's something in particular you'd like to be blessed with. If not, I'll try to come up with some sort of nice blanket blessing for you. So… go ahead, it can't hurt to ask.
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03:52 am
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Thought. If I commit a felony, I won't have to worry about finding a job or health insurance! And if it's a federal crime, I might even get good care!
… Or, you know, not. Ben says I'm not allowed to commit a felony for health insurance.
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03:06 am
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Meh. I feel empty and alone, like I am a jar and all the me has poured out. I don't know why.
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03:46 pm
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Meetup-type stuff. So, I'm now on Meetup.com, and I'm thinking of adding Real Life Friends, and possibly some internet friends, so if you're on meetup, let me know what your member number is (the thing in your profile URL), and I'll add you. Comments are teh screened.
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01:14 pm
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Stuff in my life: Snap-dragon and $WINTERHOLIDAY stuff Oh hi.
A few things.
1) Because I am TOTALLY INSANE, I have decided to try to talk my folk dancing group into playing snap-dragon with me on Wednesday. I have never done this before. Advice? Do I soak the raisins in brandy first? Things to avoid? How dangerous is this game? What is the chance of catching something/someone on fire? Is there a best technique to picking up the raisins?
2) If you know me pretty well, you may know by now that I don't exactly do holiday gifting. What I do is more "I saw this and I thought of you so I got it" gifting, which happens pretty much whenever I find something. So, I've put up more wishlistedness in my profile, but I'm not expecting any gifting. Buy something for me if you like. I will be grateful. But if you don't, I won't be wounded. I realize the economy is tight and I don't want to be a greedy jerk. What I really want for $WINTERHOLIDAY is a job.
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08:10 pm
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Why, hello, LJ! I suppose I haven't really been here in a while. Why? Well, because, er... my life's pretty boring. Sure, I'm folkdancing, doing contra, working out, and continuing to look for work. But I haven't got much of a social life going on, so there's not much in the way of exciting things to post about. I guess I'm just checking in. I feel like as my life starts to expand, I should share more with you, but I'm not sure what. I'm taking stock of my life, and it kind of terrifies me. I don't know where I'm headed, but I have faith that it will all work out eventually, as long as I keep moving forward.
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04:42 pm
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Quick Favor? I need a quick favor from someone who uses Word. I just revamped my resume. NeoOffice calculates pages a little differently from Word, so I want to make sure that Word users will see only one page of text. Help me out?
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06:09 pm
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Hey, people! I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but the current DSM, the DSM-IV is really old. So old, in fact, that they're writing a new manual, conveniently called the DSM-V.
Because of this, a number of advocacy groups are getting together to try to reform some definitions of psychiatric disorders listed in the DSM.
AVEN, the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network is one of those groups. I am part of AVEN's DSM Task Force. (No, not THE DSM Task Force, but *our* DSM Task Force.)
Anyhow, as mentioned, we're not the only group out there who is doing stuff. For those of you who care about this sort of stuff, but especially those of you with a background in medicine and/or psychology, I urge you to please read up on Gender Identity Disorder reform and if you agree with their stance, please list yourself as an advocate here.
AVEN is considering listing itself as an advocate, but we haven't decided if we're going to represent ourselves as AVEN as a whole or just the task force. In any event, thanks for listening and looking. Maybe we can make a difference, hopefully moving towards re-categorizing and/or removing listings from the DSM.
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02:02 am
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Hey, everyone! Uh, I'm super-behind on LJ and email and like, everything.
If I IM you commenting about a post you made last week, please to be not snarking at me. I am trying to stay in the loop, honest!
Uh, also, this coming week or two? Probably not conducive to me catching up, so ... yeah. Patience, please. If you see me online, feel free to give me the condensed version of what's been going on since I last commented on a post or IMed you, because otherwise I will have no idea and I do care about y'all and what's going on in your lives, but I am suh-wamped right now.
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03:42 am
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Please. More in the requests for prayers, or rather, Doing That Spiritual Thing You Do:
I really need a job. The Job I Am In Love With will call to notify me Any Day Now, as in hopefully very very very very soon, which means I am REALLY nervous and I want to hear good news please God soon.
So y'all, please to be Doing That Spiritual Thing You Do with the intention that I be blessed with a job and livelihood, may it be the Right Job for me in my present state and may it arrive soon. And yes, with a preference for this particular job, but really? I'm... not too picky at this stage, although I'd prefer a federal one in Chicago.
Current Mood: anxious
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01:12 am
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Potentialities Oh hai. I haz a friend visiting NYC in June.
If I am in Chicago, I am going to try to drive or take the train up to visit over a weekend to see her.
I have lots of friends in NYC. I want to see some/all of y'all.
So, who might be willing to offer me lodging? I will try to see as many people as possible, but it will probably go based on who is closest to where my friend is staying, which, apparently, varies based on which weekend I decide to come up.
(I have a couple of friends in particular in mind, but I honestly don't know if they're in the best places re being near friend in question, since I am going to try to cram as much friend-seeing into this visit as possible.)
Right now this stuff is very hypothetical, but I want to know what my potential options are.
Thanks, y'all!
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11:33 pm
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Hey, polyglots! http://slinkling.livejournal.com/44655.html
This person is looking to translate some simple sentences into as many languages as possible as a present for a friend. We could use some Greek, Latin, and probably some other languages I haven't thought of that my friends know. Come on, go over there and look, critique other folks' grammar, etc.
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09:07 pm
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L'shana Haba b'Bryn Mawr. Strawberries and sour cream with brown sugar for breakfast.
Lantern's lit and burning in the kitchen.
Happy May Day, everyone!
Tags: bryn mawr
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03:15 pm
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Allergy and Food Intolerance Help Request! So my mom has been having digestive problems since she was born. She keeps going to doctors. Finally, she came up positive on an allergy test.
She cannot have any of the following:
Gluten Rye Barley Oat Buckwheat Soybean Modern (Brown, e.g. Idaho) Potato Millet Spelt Bran
Additionally, she is lactose intolerant to some degree. She *can* have cheese, butter, or yogurt in moderation, but she has trouble digesting regular milk, ice cream, cottage cheese, cream cheese, farmer's cheese, and whole cheese.
So, what can we feed my mom?
We got this big thick packet of "what you can and can't have when you have x allergy", but of course, none of them are tailored to her particular constellation of allergies. I know I have friends who can't eat lots of stuff. Hit me with ideas, people!
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05:43 am
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If this was Twitter, which it's not… Awake. Showered. Eating oatmeal and drinking spicy coffee. Not quite awake enough to be nervous yet, thank God.
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07:21 pm
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Clearly, I am made of amnesia. I vaguely remember someone on LJ saying they had started an LJ for a relative's paper journal, reposting them in harmony with the original dates. Does anyone else remember this? Where is this journal? Is it still being posted to?
Current Mood: curious
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05:06 am
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Journals? Blogs? If you have another journal, blog, whatever-thingie, and you think there's the SLIGHTEST chance I don't know about it (and I probably don't), and you'd like me to read it, please post the URL below.
Also, if you know for a fact that it has RSS or Atom syndication, please post *that* URL instead of a regular one, or, in addition to the regular URL.
I know a couple people have mentioned in passing their blogspot or diaryland or insanejournal or whatever, and I probably don't have the faintest idea what your username is and what belongs to which.
Also, while I'm at it, I'm not going to use Spokeo to check, because that's really creepy, so if you belong to any social networking site(s) where you want me to add you as my friend, please let me know.
Comments are screened just in case you want me, but not somebody else to know. Thanks!
Current Mood: curious
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